i finally started reading the book on procrastination i got last year
and then i stopped after the first chapter
maybe itll be another year before i read more
the point is... i procrastinate often and its affecting my goals for the future
Sunday, 20 September 2009
i get the feeling that most people are a lot more comfortable with homosexuality than they admit
and that most people are predisposed toward bisexuality - theyre just trained to avoid realizing it
i want my relationship to be long term
but the thing about being in a relationship for the first time is that i am going to make beginners mistakes
and this is too big to ruin over some mistake i dont even want to be making
Saturday, 22 August 2009
ive been nursing my melancholy on xanga for five years
but i dont know what to write anymore
because now... IM HAPPY!
and a new paradigm for blogging is in order
Saturday, 18 July 2009
im growing like the beanstalk jack planted.
who know relationships were so much work.
Friday, 12 June 2009
i dreamt about you last night.
and when i woke up, you were in my arms
i stroked your hair...soon realizing that i was holding my blanket instead of you
and i missed you terribly.
a few minutes passed and i fell back asleep, once again dreaming about you
i enjoyed this sweetest of dreams until the sandman released me from my slumber
i awoke, yet again, with you in my arms.
but no moment lasts forever
and i discovered that the object of my affections was a pillow...
and not my love.
this time, however, it made me happy
because i knew it was a testament of my love for you.
when im half-asleep, youre there.
when im dreaming, youre there.
i think about you all day. and at night, when my thoughts lay silent, youre still on my mind.
you mean the world to me,
truly.
babe, i love you.
i have a girlfriend <3
Wednesday, 03 June 2009
jeez. haha. fuck women.
really. its like my emotions are in a blender.
im getting attatched and parts of me are awakening again, and as that happens im having to keep my old habit in check where i capitalize on the depth of feeling by popping in shitty mental vhs tapes to make myself feel sad.
i use the wonderous depth of feeling to feel sad? wack haha. well not anymore.
but emotions are a bitch. you get a negative one and its contingent on someone elses response and you can be strung along for who knows how long before they even react!
blah! hahaha.
im being strong in myself. a light unto myself, if you will.
if this is better than before, and im always getting better, then its just going to get BETTER
ITS GOING TO GET BETTER
ITS ALWAYS GETTING BETTER
aaaah!
yell that to yourself. tell it to yourself.
believe it.
you already do.
fuck yeah. im going running!
let this out of my system!
Tuesday, 02 June 2009
you know how, when you visit an old school, it feels smaller than before?
thats the sensation i get when i revisit a given mental landscape from my past
life often felt as big then as it does now, even though my world was smaller
Monday, 01 June 2009
wanna grow a spine? then go out and fuck up! because the pain of failure is a growing pain.
you'll lose your footing in the short run, but you'll gain a vertabrae in the long run
